The retail employees at my office are receiving training next door. The crowd consists of heavy machinery mechanics and customer service reps. Based on the noise they’re generating, you’d think it was a meeting of emphysema sufferers.
This domain was set to expire on 7/16, but I got a job in the suburbs.
Hey folks. Been a while since I rapped at ya. I guess I haven’t been very grumpy. I could bitch about the weather, but that signals the end of this blog.
IM clients should completely block messages like “hey, did you see my email?” Have a little confidence, people. I don’t know about your email client, but mine tells me when I have unread messages. Even worse is a phone call with the same question. Stop that. Is the answer ever “no?” Often, I’ll get these IMs before my email client has even pulled the message from the server. I guess I should answer “no” in that case. Even if your email is really important, give the recipient an hour. He/she is probably busy, just like you. He/she might even be working on something more important than your request. OMG! Also, don’t ask “are we there yet?” in the car, and don’t chew with your mouth open.
It’s likely that only people who work in IT networking encounter this, but I wish people would stop using the word “sunk” when they mean “synchronized.” It sounds really ignorant. I’ll accept “synced,” but are we really that lazy? Has our desire to avoid burning calories finally breached the walls of the spoken word?
“I’ve got the interfaces sunk.”
Why do people say things like that? It’s a language abortion. I don’t even hate all corporate-speak. Some of it is quite clever and it’s fun to be a part of a secret language that only cube-monkeys understand, but this one sounds like someone taught Cletus how to navigate IOS.
First off, I’m not much of a visual designer. I can barely draw, my handwriting is ferociously difficult to read, and I can’t identify typefaces on sight. However, I’m aware of my shortcomings so as a web developer I make use of very simple design patterns and online color scheme widgets to choose my colors for me. I can whip up a simple text-based logo that is more attractive than you’d see on most corporate intranet sites and I like to think that I can make large amounts of data readable.
Mr Picky Pants doesn’t like very many foods, but he’s getting better about it. Here are his results for The Omnivore’s Hundred. He’s also writing this post in the third person.
Absolute Plumbing in Kansas City sucks
Do NOT use this company for any plumbing needs. They installed a new water heater at my house and two years later this is what it looks like.
The owner of this company insists that it’s a leak above the water heater and that it was NOT an improper installation. I’ve checked the area and there is no moisture. He won’t even send someone out just to check on it. He claims that the work is only warranteed for 30 days, which is mostly useless because corrosion of this sort would not appear within that amount of time. DO NOT USE ABSOLUTE PLUMBING.
It really bugs me when someone doesn’t know what their email signature says. Especially when they sign every email with “Thank You” at the end.
I appreciate you helping me with this Thank You Thank You Unaware McSignerson (111-555-1212) unaware.mcsignerson@megacorp.us
What if they write a scorching email to one of their minions? “Your work is really bollocks. THANKS!”
Hmm, that was WAAAAY too easy. My only complaint about my new provider is that they put my virtual server on ONE partition. That’s silly.
I hate when people start blogs and suddenly stop posting.
I want the ability to send a “your message has been deleted because you requested a read receipt” read receipt.
Corporate work wear policies are total bullshit. It doesn’t make me more productive. It doesn’t make the company look better. I think this is part of the “we trust our employees 100% but not really” policy that most US corporations implement. Do they think that if I’m allowed to dress myself I’ll show up in their sterile halls wearing booger-encrusted cutoff jeans and a “fuck you” t-shirt? I sit in a cube all day. The only person that I see face to face is the guy who empties my trash can. Why do I need to purchase and wear clothing that is only going to be seen by him? Dude is wearing old soccer shoes, he doesn’t care how I look.
My state is one of those few that does not require front license plates. This (lack of) policy allows its drivers to express themselves in this 12″x6″ space on the front of their vehicles. The 2:1 ratio is rather close to the international flag ratio of 5:3. This coincidence encourages the displaying of a national flag in this “expression zone.” To me, it seems that the most common flag displayed is that of Ireland. (Mexico comes close) The Irish flag is lovely. It’s a classic three-vertical-bar design with the instantly recognizable national colors of green and orange. So, please tell me why every one of these plates has a fucking shamrock in the middle of it? “So dey knows it’s Irish.” Now, I’ve been called a pessimist, but I doubt flyers of said aluminum flag can name the captain of Ireland’s national football team. “Ireland has a football team?” It’s not just the plates either. I’ve seen stickers on rear-window expression zones with the same addition. Do Yanks in Ireland have little US flags with an unregistered automatic weapon in the middle? Maybe they fly the Adbusters flag.
Half-way through this post I birthed another theory. It’s a bit more positive, hold on to your fair-trade cuppa. The guy in charge of this flag design was the proudest Irishman imaginable. He not only knows the team’s captain, he also celebrates his date of birth. This guy realized that the Ivory Coast uses the same flag design, but inverted. This fella wanted to insure that stupid Americans would properly display his country’s flag instead of the flag of the former French colony in Africa. Right, it sounds like a stretch, but I’ve witnessed this egregious error twice in my own city. I took sheer joy in revealing to one of the geosymbolic-challenged that he was flying the flag of a nice little African country.
(I totally invented “geosymbolic” but it’s pretty much awesome)
“Advertisement” should be abbreviated, “ad,” not “add.” WTF is that? There’s only one “d” in the original word. Not to mention that it’s rather annoying when an abbreviation looks like another valid word.
The word “supposedly” does NOT have a “b” in it. When you say “supposably,” I picture a three-year-old learning English. However, a three-year-old, unless his/her parents are fucks, will grow out of that phase.
It’s spelled, “queue,” not “cue” or “que.” Why do you continue to spell it incorrectly after I’ve used it three times in our IM exchange? I fear the only action that will have an effect will be to take the misspellings literally and ask why you’re asking when to be signaled or why you’re speaking Spanish.
Whenever I see a piece of advertising that employs the pun, I always envision a group of white folks that think they’re sooooo creative sitting in a conference room at 2AM, Chinese food cartons strewn about, everyone frustrated and ready to go home when suddenly some blowhard named Tucker exclaims, “I know, we’ll use a pun!,” which is celebrated with 20 minutes of self-congratulations and applause. Tucker is promoted to VP of Advertising.
The “creative bullpen” scene in The Hudsucker Proxy nails it.
There are five stalls available, you don’ t need the extra room provided by the handicapped stall. I understand that it’s certainly not reserved for me to change out of my bike clothes since I’m not handicapped either, but it’s a lot easier and more comfortable to put on my pants without having to worry about touching the toilet. I need room to extend limbs, you just need a hole in which to shit.
Bring Your Child to Work Day is a complete farce. No one wants their kids to know about the soul-crushing, menial tasks they’re required to complete at their job. Thankfully, my co-workers have teamed up to provide board games (which are being played on the floor in the aisles) so they can leave early on a Friday and their kids don’t have to know that mommy or daddy is expendable.
This lovely little pit is the result of people being too lazy to take two extra steps. This is a very high traffic sidewalk and many people are going to/from lunch so they’d better hurry! They tried to put up a little fence to prevent this but it only made it worse since people would walk even further into the grass to get around it.
I don’t fucking care if it’s in your dictionary, “dove,” is a kind of bird, not a past-tense verb. “Drug?” Also not a verb unless you’re talking about pharmaceuticals.
If someone uses the phrase, “tell you whut,” immediately cease listening to them. If they use it twice in one sentence, kill yourself. Don’t worry, you won’t hear the second one because you stopped listening.
There are over six billion people on Earth. Birth is not a miracle.
Does this guy think he’s impressing his female co-worker by giving her explicit detail of all of the bar fights in which he’s participated? The only thing impressive is the volume and projection of his voice.
Dear Sun, Why can I hear my mouse movements and hard drive accesses through the sound card on your Java workstations? You put a $1400 video card in these things but purchased the audio hardware and motherboard design from a street vendor in Taiwan who bundled in a free DVD of Shallow Hal.
